


The Last Thread

by underthestarlight



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: 3x16, :-), Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Kabby, Pain, Post 3x16, Two Shot, abby and marcus, angst!kabby, i love pain, mentions of torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-27
Updated: 2016-05-28
Packaged: 2018-07-10 13:03:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6986230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/underthestarlight/pseuds/underthestarlight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post 3x16. Abby & Marcus Angst. Two-shot. On the way back to Arkadia, Abby is riddled with guilt and grief as she struggles to come in terms of what she has done.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part One

_When our hearts have healed, will we meet again?_  
— Michael Daaboul ~ Healing Hearts

Guided only by the stream of light coming from the car and a few torches hastily made, Abby followed the crowd through the dark, parting overgrown branches with her trembling hands. The brilliance of the moon cast a deep shadow over her face as she trudged along. For the fiftieth time, her hand unconsciously reached for the rough surface of her neck, gently caressing through the deep shades of purple that left an unnerving line through it. It was a silly thing to do, but every now and then she liked to take a long, deep breath - filling every part in her lungs with air, just to prove that she could.

She folded her arms tightly, the thin shelter her clothes provided gave little warmth, the rush of icy wind raising goosebumps on her skin. Clarke had pushed for her to ride on the car and get some sleep but she refused. The pressing weight from the stares, and the quiet teetering of whispers were unbearable. At least now, standing at the back of the crowd, few people noticed her, and she released a sigh of relief. Exhaustion and melancholy lingered heavily in the atmosphere as they trudged back to Arkadia. Abby had heard stories of other actions people did under ALIE’s influence, carrying a heavy heart after hours had passed upon hearing them. She heard broken whispers from a woman in her late thirties, her kind face smeared with blood and tears, talking to who she assumed was her husband, about what had happened after she took the chip. The woman retold her story, through cracks in her voice and heavy pauses, during the moments ALIE had been destroyed. She had been holding a blood-soaked knife, pierced through the chest of her 12 year old son just moments ago. She had been sobbing then - almost incoherent - as she continued. Her son had become suspicious of the chip ever since she had taken it, claiming his mother didn’t remember his father, who had been locked in a jail cell throughout this period. They had been arguing, her son becoming more frustrated with her. She could tell he felt uneasy with her cool, blank expressions. One thing led to another, and not a moment had gone by, the warmth of her son’s blood lay around them.

Abby observed them now, the man walking several metres in front of his wife, holding a bag of his things. His wife walked in a daze, her face filled with dried tears, her hair limp against her shoulders. She remembered their son for a long moment, his scrawny, freckled face frequenting the medical bay, arriving with bouquets of important herbs and plants. She looked away, her hand reaching for her neck, gently massaging it with her cool fingers once more. She heard a voice boom in the distance. “We’ll camp here for tonight. If we leave by sunlight tomorrow, we should be able to arrive at Arkadia well before noon.” It was Clarke. She watched her silhouette remove something from her bag, laughing alongside with Raven as she told her a story. Abby’s heart twinged painfully. Her mind went back to the boy’s mother, how very close Abby had come to doing the very same thing. Clarke’s blood on her hands. Her own daughter. She looked away, the weight of her heart becoming unbearable. Clarke had insisted and insisted that it wasn’t her fault. But how could it not, when she remembers every crack in her voice, the searing pain in her cries? How she had never seen her daughter in that amount of pain until she was the one who inflicted it? As much as she wanted to walk towards her and feel her embrace, she doesn’t feel that she deserve it. Not another embrace, not another breathe inhaled, nor released.

 _Thud_. When she wasn’t eavesdropping on conversations, her mind would replay her actions under ALIE’s influence. _Thud_. _Thud_. At first, she thought it was her heart, beating too loudly against her ears as she stepped through the muddy earth. She felt numb. _Thud. Thud_. This time, the noise distinctly separated from her heartbeat. It had become louder. Then suddenly, it clicked. The hammer was swung - colliding with the thick, iron nail, creating a sickening metallic thud. A scream erupted.

Marcus. His face contorted as the sickening smack of metal against flesh rang in her ears. Abby had seen the blood drip from the sharp tip of the nail, glistening under the harsh light. It was a tiny detail, but it made her stomach lurch. She remembered every detail. His desperate pleas for Abby to wake up.  
_Thud._  
_Thud._  
_Thud._  
The sharp screams that erupted from Marcus as his face contorted. _Thud_. The way he looked at her in between screams. _I’ve lost her_ , they reflected. _I’ve lost her._

But the thing that frightened her the most, was herself. It nagged at her. In between heart beats. In between seconds. The firmly planted feet that stood in front of the cross. The icy words that spoke from her mouth in a tone she didn’t recognise. The eyes that never strayed from him, as though each swing of the hammer struck fire in her chest - eyes glinting with malice.

And it scared her. She looked down at her softly trembling hands. The hands that had given her purpose, that had saved so many lives, had been the same hands that punctured a scalpel through her daughter’s chest. The familiar cool skin of the scalpel twisting inside Clarke’s chest - warm, dripping blood escaping through. Abby breathed deeply, the tired lines on her face more visible than ever.

“-Cha-Chancellor Griffin? Are you alright?” a small voice broke through. She whipped around and looked down. It was a young girl who looked barely 9 years old. The girl’s eyebrows furrowed. “Chancellor?”  
Not a second longer, a mask was switched on. “Oh no, Charlotte. I’m alright. Don’t you worry, little one.” She crouched down, holding her hands. People never dropped her former title and she liked that. “What can I help you with?”  
The young girl looked at her for a small moment, a brief flicker down at her neck before speaking.  
“Um, my mother is freezing. I know she wouldn’t have wanted me to bother someone else about this but…you see, my baby brother is using our only blanket. She insisted she wasn’t cold, but I knew she was lying because her fingers are almost blue and I’m rea-“  
“It’s okay, Charlotte.” she caressed her thumb over her small, cold hands. “I’ll help you find one.” Abby looked around the camp. She considered asking Marcus, who was helping someone set up their tent, or Clarke, who was now talking to Bellamy, but shook the thought out of her head.  
“Tell you what. I’ll give you mine. It’s nice and big, you guys should be snuggled under it in no time.” Abby said gently, smiling.  
“But- But what about you? You’re gonna be cold.” Charlotte said.  
“Don’t worry about me, kid. I’m not cold.” she replied, as a rush of wind crept past her shoulders, raising goosebumps. “Really.”  
“Are-Are you sure?”  
“Truly and completely.” She rummaged through her bag for the blanket. Unfolding it, she wrapped it around young Charlotte’s shoulders tight and snug.  
“There, kid. Sleep well.” She smiled at her once more as she watched her little feet make her way back to their tent. She locked eyes with Marcus, who had been watching her, his facial expression unreadable. She hadn’t seen him since their brief embrace at the tower. Unconsciously, she massaged at her neck with her cold fingers once more, seeing his eyes flicker down for a brief moment, before she looked away. She couldn’t face him. She couldn’t bear it. She had avoided him as they made their long walk back to Arkadia. Abby was afraid that once she looked at him in the eyes for more than ten seconds, she would break. And like the last thread holding a wound together, she held on tight.

She set up her tent and laid her sleeping gear in quick succession. It was far enough from the crowd near the bonfire, the atmosphere becoming lighter since they set up camp. Many were tired but glad that they were free from ALIE’s grasp, celebrating with food they had hunted nearby. ALIE hadn’t exactly made sure they were well-fed. Most were huddling around the fire, watching it lick the logs of wood that had been collected, while others went straight to their tents, their tired limbs needing the warmth of their temporary beds. She wasn’t hungry, and preferred the solitude over the heavy stares that followed her around the camp.

She sat in the darkness, looking at the glimmering stars from her tent. Her stomach twisted, the ringing of desperate pleas and broken screams playing over and over and over. She looked down, her loose waves trailing behind, creating shadows on her face. Through an inviting silence, an overwhelming rush of guilt suddenly came upon her. The weight of her guilt snapped the last remaining thread that kept her together. Her heart drummed from her chest and rang loudly in her ears. She felt her hands scratch at her neck, her bottom lip quivering. Her breathing quickened, and she felt as though there were razor blades in her chest. Her eyes flashed with tears and she fought back to keep them at bay. She remembered seeing the angry red line that dripped down Raven’s hands before she took the chip, the blood of pool quickly forming around her. The moment Marcus realised that his Abby was long gone, that ALIE had taken over. The shock in his eyes - she thought - seemed as though he was reevaluating everything he knew about her. Had he thought she betrayed him? Betrayed all of them?

She strangled out a sob, her lungs heaving for air. The palm of her hand dug through the cold earth just outside her tent, the other clutching her chest - desperate to keep herself together. She furiously blinked back tears as her bottom chin quivered. She leaned back against the tent, yearning for composure. The weight on her chest was so immense she may collapse. Abby staggered as she tried to stand up, unable to breathe within the confines of the tent. When she found her footing, she wiped her tears and smoothed her shirt. When the coast was clear she stumbled out, heading for the forest. It wasn’t long until she found herself blinking back tears once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally, this was gonna be a one-shot but I ended up writing longer than I expected. Please leave a comment and tell me your thoughts!!!! I always love hearing them :)


	2. Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Post 3x16. Abby & Marcus Angst. Two-shot. On the way back to Arkadia, Abby is riddled with guilt and grief as she struggles to come in terms of what she has done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like Part Two guys :) Please leave a review, I'd looooove to hear your thoughts!

She had no idea how long she had been walking. The forest had swallowed her in darkness. She felt numb. In a daze, she had tripped on a rock, her ripped pants showing a steady drip of blood making its way down her leg. Abby was unaware of this. Her heart drummed loudly in her chest, her lungs offering no mercy as she struggled to breathe. She stumbled into a clearing, sliding down against the large face of a rock. 

_Don’t put Marcus with the others._ _Leave him to me_ , she heard her own voice in her head.

_I’m not letting them do this. I’m doing it_. 

It terrified her. Her own voice saying those words. Her actions inflicting pain. _They suffered because of me. They’re in pain because of what I’ve done_.

No matter how many times Clarke had insisted it wasn’t her, Abby couldn’t forget the look from her eyes. Marcus’ eyes. The flare of pain, that unmistaken glint within. 

_They were scared of her_. 

And nothing else terrified her more than this. Sitting in the darkness, she had never felt more alone. She brought her knees up to her chest and let out a strangled cry, causing birds perched on nearby branches flying away in fright.

“Abby? A-Abby. Hey, hey, hey. What happened?” A soft voice broke through the darkness. A figure crouched down and gently shook her shoulders. “It’s alright. It’s alright, Abby.”

Abby’s heart flipped, her body suddenly rigid. “What- Who-“ she blinked several times, hastily wiping away her tears. Her eyes quickly adjusted to the dark and saw the worried look on his face. Marcus.

“Marcus- wha- how- how did you find me?” she breathed, wiping the remaining tears on her face.

“You’re bleeding.” he croaked, his voice clipped. He sat down and looked at her knee.“What happened?”

“What?” she murmured, looking at her knee. It had stopped bleeding, but she could now feel the sting of the wound as cold winds brushed past it. “I-I don’t- I don’t know how that happened. Must’ve tripped while I was walking.” She looked around. The trees were bare of leaves, the whistling wind brushing withered leaves at her feet. “Where am I?”

He didn’t reply. His eyes were studying her. Tired lines outlined her features, her cheeks hollow. They were flushed, her eyes _too_ red and puffy. _How long had she been crying?_ he thought. He looked at her for a moment longer and decided not to press her about it. “You’re lucky I saw you walking towards the forest.” he lied. He couldn’t sleep. “It was past midnight and you haven’t been back yet. I…. I got worried.”

“Marcus.…” she said under her breath. “This looks worse than it is.” she eyed the wound on her knee. “I’ll be fine. Just give me a minute and I’ll be back by the bonfire. You should go. I don’t want you missing out on all the fun because of me.”  
“Abby, no one’s out by the bonfire anymore.”

“What?”

“It’s 2 am. Everyone’s asleep already.”

“Oh.” Silence fell between them. She could feel Marcus’ worried gaze upon her but she couldn’t meet his eye. 

“What’s wrong, Abby?” He said softly. He leaned ever so slightly towards Abby, careful not to scare her.

“Marcus. I’m alright. This will pass. I’m jus-just tired. You should get some rest.” she murmured.

“Abby…you’re not fine.” said Marcus. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

“Marcus-“ 

“-Abby. These past couple of weeks have been difficult. I’m-I’m still trying to absorb what happened. It hasn’t been easy.” she looked up. “But we live another day. I’m still here. Clarke’s here. What ALIE made you do wasn’t your fault.”

“Marcus, it still happened. It doesn’t make it any easier. ” she said quietly, running a hand through her hair. “Knowing that… that I’ve hurt you doesn’t make it easier.” With a delicate touch, she held the palm of his hand, not quite touching his bandaged wrists. She choked back tears, seeing the dark, vivid blood mark his bandages.

“Are you in any pain?” she whispered, her mouth hidden behind her hand. She looked up at him and he saw that her eyes were brimming with tears.

“I’m okay, Abby. Really. Nothing I can’t handle.” he murmured, cupping her cheek. “You have to listen to me. This wasn’t your fault, alright? I would never blame you.” she closed her eyes as a tear rolled down her face. _I don’t know, I don’t know_ , she thought.

* * *

The temperature had dropped significantly since Abby walked through the woods, and she could see a layer of fog slowly drifting in through the bare branches. It was a while before either one of them spoke again.

“You know what I said after they captured you in Polis? You know what I said?” She murmured, looking down at her hands. Her mind had been running through the days when she was chipped, trying to see if she could’ve done anything, prevented things from happening. Of course, it didn’t help, as her heart sank further and further; a lump forming in her throat.

“Abby, wha-“

“I-I said, “Don’t put Marcus with the others.”” She confessed, a tearful eye locking with his, her trembling hand cupping his face. “”Leave him to me.”” she whispered, her bottom lip trembling.

She studied his face for his reaction but they were unreadable. “I-I-I h-hurt you.” she whispered in horror, cracks in her voice. “So, _so_ much. I am so sorry. I can’t breathe- can’t stop thinking about Clarke- the weight of the scalpel on my hand- the pain that I twisted out of Clarke and _you—_ I can’t- I-I don’t-Oh, god, I am so sorry. I’m so sorry.“

She brought her hands to her face, a strangled cry escaping her lips. 

Marcus gently shook her shoulders. “Abby.” He murmured, his voice constricted. “That was never your fault. Abby, listen- Abby- you didn’t do this. It wasn’t you.” His eyes captured hers for a long moment, flickers of pain reflecting them, and it almost broke him.

“I wish I believed that.” She said quietly, setting his hands down. “I really do. But-I-I-“ her voice broke. “I can’t forget. Marcus- I don’t- I don’t think I ever will.” Most of her face was hidden behind the waves of her hair but he saw that her chin was trembling.

“I see Clarke and it hits me all over again. It knocks the wind out of my breath. The screams. The pleas. Blood. My own voice. The flip my stomach made when I toppled the drum over and-and…” the words died on her lips. 

She gathered herself, tucking strands of hair behind her ears. “I see Clarke and she tells me it wasn’t my fault. She reminds and reminds me, but then I see the brief flicker of pain in her eyes sometimes when she turns around too quickly or when she stretches her arms and I know, I _know_ it’s because of the wound in her chest. When she sees the look in my eyes, she quickly shrugs it off, says it’s nothing, but I notice her hands hovers over it a second too long.” she quavered. “And I hate myself for it. I see you and a wave of guilt passes through me and I want to curse at the stars because my chest is too damn heavy again and I can’t fucking breathe.” she cursed. She exhaled sharply, running her hand through her hair. Marcus placed his hands by her shoulders. 

“I don’t blame you, Abby. About what happened.” he repeated. “You have to understand that.”

She groaned in frustration. “How can you just believe so easily? Cause right now I’m asking myself whether I should be punished like ALIE.”

Marcus’ heart sank. _How could she compare herself to ALIE?_ he thought. There was a long, weighed pause.

“You didn’t do _this_ to yourself.” He said quietly. Her eyebrows furrowed, confused, before his hand slowly approached the violent, vivid line on her neck. The angry line now appeared almost completely black, accompanied by blotches of hues in violet and red. Rope burns had left tiny beads of blood that had since then dried. As soon has his fingertips touched the rough skin, her body froze. Abby’s heart stopped and soon, she found it hard to breathe again.

“Marcus- don’t-“ she began, her heart thumping wildly. She stopped to her tracks when she saw the look in his eyes. They were glazed in tears. She felt his fingertips shake slightly as he slowly examined her neck, her heart slowing down. 

“She- She made you do this to yourself?” he whispered, with cracks in his voice. He moved his hands to cup her face. “Abby.” he whispered, his voice tight. Marcus’ face contorted in pain, with tears threatening to fall from his eyes. They locked eyes for a long moment, the air heavy. Abby didn’t know what to say. Her eyes filled with tears and her chest tightened. The base of her throat constricted, threatening a sob. She took a deep, shaky breathe, trying to keep it together.

“It’s- It’s nothing. It looks worse than it is. Marcus- don’t give me that look. I’m still here, aren’t I? “ she said, brushing it off with a broken smile.

“Abby…” he murmured. “You-You almost _died_ today.” he choked. Before she could brush him off, he wrapped his arms around her and broke into tears. “That was too close. Too close.” he embraced her tighter, burying his head into her neck and she felt the warm tears colliding with her skin. It took her completely by surprise that she almost fell apart right there and then. 

“Marcus… I’m right here. Right here. I’m not going anywhere.” she comforted, caressing the back of his hair.

“I-I can’t- I can’t lose you, okay? I don’t have anyone else - not really.” whispered Marcus, feeling the warmth of her body against his as his sobs filled the silence. She could feel the wave of grief rising up her chest as his body trembled against hers. A moment later she gave in, letting out a strangled sob, her cries muffled by his chest. She gripped her hands around him tighter. Her frame shook violently against his as she wept. He caressed her back, comforting her, soothing her.

They broke apart after a long moment and he wiped off the tears from Abby’s face. He tilted her trembling chin up to meet his eyes.

“You don’t blame yourself for this, okay? It was never your fault.” said Marcus. “It wasn’t you. It wasn’t. I’ll remind you every single day until my heart stops if I have to.”

“But I hurt Clarke. I hurt you. And oh god- I can’t breathe- I can’t- every time my mind goes back to those times, I want to drop to my knees.”

“You saved Raven.”

“And I almost lost you.”

Heavy silence fell.

“And I almost lost Clarke.”

“But you didn’t.” He tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “Clarke is safe. And I’m right here.” he reassured her. “Abby, you can’t beat yourself up. ALIE is dead. She can’t control us anymore. You can’t let her, alright? Now here.”

He took off the flannel shirt he had found in Polis before they left, leaving only his white undershirt. He started ripping it into several long pieces. Before Abby could open her mouth he said, “Let’s get you cleaned up. I don’t want it getting infected. Stay here.”

Marcus had been gone for five minutes until she saw his outline reappear amongst the trees.

“I’ve got water.” He said, holding a long, metal bottle.”I don’t think anyone brought or found a first aid kit in Polis so I can’t dress it properly until we get back in Arkadia. So this’ll have to do.”

He sat down and looked at her. “May I?” Abby nodded. 

He gently extended her leg and she groaned. With the help of the water and a long piece from his shirt, he was able to remove the dried blood and dirt surrounding it. 

“Do you remember back in Polis, around the time ALIE died?” he murmured, his hands busy. She looked at him.

“Yes.”

“He’s like a son to me.” He paused to look up at her. “Bellamy.”

“Marcus-“

“-Abby, I was seconds of feeling the life squeezed out of his lungs. That’s all I was thinking about on the trip back. I can’t even describe the moment ALIE had gone silent and it was just his limping arms flailing around mine as I realised what I was doing.” He said. “I’m a hypocrite. I should’ve been taking my own advice.”

Using the remaining fabric of his shirt, he wrapped it tightly around her knee and secured it with a knot.

“But something changed inside me when I walked back from camp.” he continued. “We just have to live with it. I can’t tell you how long acceptance will take, or if we’re ever gonna accept what happened. But the thing is- we can live with it apart, or we can overcome it together. We’ve made it this far.” He told her, a small smile on his face. He stood up. “Now come on, put your arm around me so we can walk back up.” Abby smiled. 

She loves him, but she doesn’t say anything. 

He loves her, and she’s looking at him like he built cathedrals from the ground up and somehow that was enough. He helped her gain her footing, curling her fingertips on the base of his neck until she could stand up.

“You ready?” 

She nodded. He placed a hand around her waist and off they went. Several minutes passed and Abby could see the warm glow of the fire through the trees again.

“Technically, you did save my life. Had I not taken the chip for you, you would’ve probably killed me at some point.” Marcus pointed out. She glared at him. “Plus, you’re an excellent kisser.”

She punched him. “It’s not funny.”

“Oh, it’s a little funny.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thoughts? Originally, this was gonna be a one-shot but I ended up writing longer than I expected. The second installment of this fic is completely full of beautiful angst!kabby, so watch this space as I update it in the next couple of days :) Please leave a comment and tell me your thoughts!!!! I always love hearing them :)


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